How to deal with Poles
This contains material intended to be humorous. It should not be taken seriously or literally.
This is satire originating from early 2000s English Wikipedia. It was written by a Polish editor reflecting on their experiences editing and communicating with other editors. It is kept here as history.
While fooling away your precious time in Wikipedia, sooner or later (too soon in any case), you will come across beings who call themselves "Poles". A normal person like you should try to avoid getting into a discussion with these folks, although most of the time, it will not be possible. You can change your tantalizing experience into something entertaining though (if not exactly “useful”) by following a few rules collected by a team of out-and-out enthusiasts during the last few years of their lives apparently squandered around here.
- Rule number one: POLES ARE JUST WRONG, THAT’S ALL. Please DO NOT make your head spin with assumptions that they might have a different opinion; because they are MADE to be wrong. Moreover, they know that they are wrong and will engage in an argument with you simply because it is possible.
- Rule number two: Start a conversation by impressing Poles with your knowledge of Polish. Say "tea - who you - yeah bunny". Don't worry if it doesn’t make sense to you. To Poles it will, and they will most likely be amused. At the same time you will set the tone for your future appearance.
- Rule number three: Use pidgin English since Poles don't really dig the language and please, don’t forget to tell them about that. You can start with a simple phrase like "you are wrong", or use something a bit more complex, like "I don't have time to educate you."
- Rule number four: As soon as you get their attention, accuse them of nationalism. They will actually like it, wouldn’t you?
- Rule number five: Never explain your reverts and keep your thoughts to yourself, if you don’t want to have them mocked.
- Rule number six: As soon as discussion begins, ask them for reliable sources to whatever they wish to say. Don't pay attention though, if they provide you with them aplenty, because their sources will most likely be written in a foreign language. Tell them that Polish authors are known to you as being biased and instead, demand English sources from exotic places like Jamaica. In most unlikely scenario when you are presented with such sources, you will still have a chance of winning. If the dispute is about the history of, say, Germany, demand classified information as it will most likely be true. Besides, Germans are not like Poles, so they won't be biased about themselves. If your dispute is about the history of Poland though, demand a book written by some really neutral author, who would have to look it up on a map first just to make sure where Poland is.
- Rule number seven: Even if you begin to lose it, try to relax, and do not break a sweat. Accuse them of inferiority complex. Alternatively, you can always steer the discussion towards a shameful old pogrom about which you can repeat out loud: “and you are lynching Negroes” like Americans do.
- Rule number eight: Remember that all Polish editors are members of the Polish CabalTM. That fact should always be pointed out in writing, so other people would become aware of their schemes.
- Rule number nine: During various Poland-related discussions you should be on guard as Poles – for unexplainable reasons – tend to flock to these places. It is a good idea to remind them and other editors that such nationality-based hijacking of a subject is wrong. Particularly during polls it is vital to demand that votes of Polish editors are not counted, as they are obviously biased when it comes to Poland-related issues. Per Rule #8 you should also remember to point out that they have probably used the Polish CabalTM page to tell each other about you, which they should never do.
- Rule number ten: For any reason, or better yet without one, Poles should be constantly reported and banned for incivility, rudeness, disruptive behavior, ultranationalism, POV pushing, 3RR violation for no more than just 2 edits and anything else you can come up with.
Believe me, a discussion with Poles can be entertaining, if you put your mind to it!
- Polls are evil (Polling is evil)
- Policy dealing with Czech users
- Unlike in mathematics, Zeros and Poles are not nutually exclusive
Note: However, if you are a Pole and you feel offended, remember that this is meta.wikimedia.org (a site devoted to Wikimedians), not Wikipedia as an encyclopedia meant for general readership.