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(English) This is an essay. It expresses the opinions and ideas of some Wikimedians but may not have wide support. This is not policy on Meta, but it may be a policy or guideline on other Wikimedia projects. Feel free to update this page as needed, or use the discussion page to propose major changes.

The presence of this page does not itself license any editor to refer to any other identifiable editor as "a dick".

Don't be a "dick".^[1] This is an essay about obnoxious behaviour.

Fundamentals

"Don't be a 'dick'" is a fundamental rule about social interaction in social spaces. Nobody is empowered to ban or block somebody for "dickery" (as this itself would be an instance of such), it is still a bad idea to behave in an obnoxious manner. So don't do it. If a significant number of reasonable people suggest, whether bluntly or politely, that you are behaving in an obnoxious manner, the odds are good that you are not entirely in the right. This essay is controversial and it is generally a good idea not to link to it as a part of any dispute in any context where it may be perceived as name-calling.

Being right about an issue can be "wrong" if you act like a "bull in a china shop." Your voice may go unheard, even if you are right!

Acting obnoxiously is not just being uncivil or impolite (though incivility and rudeness often are part of it). One can be perfectly civil and follow every rule of etiquette and still be obnoxious. Willfully (but politely) drawing attention to genuine (but inconsequential) errors in the grammar or vocabulary of another's comments, disregarding the distinction between language competence and language performance can all be part of the problem. Avoiding the problem is not just a matter of observing the more obvious rules of etiquette, but a broader and more important concern, involving respect for the intrinsic qualities of another person during the course of interaction – or else gently cutting the interaction short.

Coping with accusations

If you've been directed to this essay, especially if you have been told this by several people in a particular community, it might be wise to consider the possibility that the accusations hold at least some measure of truth. If you suspect that you may have a problem with behaviour, the first step is to become aware of it. Ask yourself what behavior might be causing this perception, and if you can't work it out, politely ask those that perceive it to explain or clarify. Once you have determined which behaviors are causing the problem, try changing them and your mode of presentation. In particular, identify the harsh words in your communications and replace them with softer ones.

Honestly examine your motivations. Are you here to contribute and make the project good? Or is your goal really to find fault, get your views across, or be the one in control? Perhaps secretly inside you even enjoy the thrill of a little confrontation. This may not make you a bad person, but to everyone who is busily trying to build something great, you become an impediment. People get frustrated, rancor ensues, the atmosphere changes, and the whole project suffers. Are you here to give, or to take?

If appropriate, publicly apologize. It's okay; this won't make you seem weak. On the contrary, people will take notice of your willingness to behave and will usually meet your efforts with increased respect.

How to deal with others

Directing others to this essay is generally misbehaviour itself! It upsets the other person and it reduces the chance that they'll listen to what you say.

Focus on behaviour, not on the individual. Be specific about what you want. Be specific about why you want it. Be specific about why the other person's behaviour is counter-productive. Assume good faith to the maximum extent possible. If you don't understand why someone is doing something, ask. Don't rush to complain until you are sure that good faith negotiations can't work. Try to understand before you try to be understood.

Above all, be genuine. Don't ask questions when you know the answer. Don't say you want one thing if you want another. Don't try to persuade people of things that aren't true. Never respond to poor behaviour in kind.

Notes

↑ The term "dick" in this essay is generally defined as "an abrasive and inconsiderate person" of any gender.

@@ Line 2: / Line 2: @@
 '''''<div align="center">The presence of this page does not itself license any editor to refer to any other identifiable editor as "a dick".</div>'''''
-'''Don't be a dick'''.<ref name="def">The term "dick" in this essay is generally defined as "an abrasive and inconsiderate person" of any gender.</ref> This is an essay about obnoxious behavior.  Some people say that "If people abided by this, we wouldn't need any other policies about behavior. This is a [[:en:corollary|corollary]] of [[:en:Wikipedia:Ignore all rules|ignore all rules]], and most other rules are special cases of this one."  Others say that phrases like this, and essays like this, have been a part of the problem, not a part of the solution.
+'''Don't be a "dick"'''.<ref name="def">The term "dick" in this essay is generally defined as "an abrasive and inconsiderate person" of any gender.</ref> This is an essay about obnoxious behaviour.
-This essay is controversial and it is generally a good idea not to link to it as a part of any dispute in any context where it may be perceived as name-calling.
 == Fundamentals ==
-"Don't be a dick" is the fundamental rule of all social spaces. Every other policy for getting along with other humans is a special case of it. Although nobody is empowered to ban or block somebody for dickery (as this itself would be an instance of such), it is still a bad idea to be a dick. So don't be one. If a significant number of reasonable people suggest, whether bluntly or politely, that you are being a dick, the odds are good that you are not entirely in the right.
+"Don't be a 'dick'" is a fundamental rule about social interaction in social spaces. Nobody is empowered to ban or block somebody for "dickery" (as this itself would be an instance of such), it is still a bad idea to behave in an obnoxious manner. So don't do it. If a significant number of reasonable people suggest, whether bluntly or politely, that you are behaving in an obnoxious manner, the odds are good that you are not entirely in the right. This essay is controversial and it is generally a good idea not to link to it as a part of any dispute in any context where it may be perceived as name-calling.
-Being right about an issue does '''not''' mean you're not being a dick! Dicks can be right &mdash; but they're still dicks; if there's something in what they say that is worth hearing, it goes unheard, because no one likes listening to dicks. It doesn't matter how right they are.
+Being right about an issue can be "wrong" if you act like a "bull in a china shop."  Your voice may go unheard, even if you are right!
-Being a dick isn't equivalent to being uncivil or impolite (though incivility and rudeness often accompany dickery).  One can be perfectly civil and follow every rule of etiquette and still be a dick.  Standard dick-moves, for example, include such things as willfully (but politely) drawing attention to genuine (but inconsequential) errors in the grammar or vocabulary of an interlocutor's comments, disregarding the Chomskian distinction between language competence and language performance. So the use of a vulgar term here to convey the concept is intentional, and serves to distinguish this principle from issues of politeness and other protocols of interaction. Avoiding dickery is not simply a matter of observing the more obvious rules of etiquette, but is a broader and more important concern, generally involving the practice of maintaining a position of respect for the intrinsic qualities of another person during the course of interaction &ndash; or else gently cutting the interaction short.
+Acting obnoxiously is not just being uncivil or impolite (though incivility and rudeness often are part of it).  One can be perfectly civil and follow every rule of etiquette and still be obnoxious.  Willfully (but politely) drawing attention to genuine (but inconsequential) errors in the grammar or vocabulary of another's comments, disregarding the distinction between language competence and language performance can all be part of the problem. Avoiding the problem is not just a matter of observing the more obvious rules of etiquette, but a broader and more important concern, involving respect for the intrinsic qualities of another person during the course of interaction &ndash; or else gently cutting the interaction short.
-==Coping with accusations of dickery==
+==Coping with accusations==
-If you've been labeled as a dick, especially if you have been told this by several people in a particular community, it might be wise to consider the possibility that the accusations hold at least some measure of truth.  If you suspect that you may have a problem with dickery, the first step is to become aware of it. Ask yourself what behavior might be causing this perception, and if you can't work it out, politely ask those that perceive it to explain or clarify. Once you have determined which behaviors are causing the problem, try changing them and your mode of presentation.  In particular, identify the harsh words in your communications and replace them with softer ones.
+If you've been directed to this essay, especially if you have been told this by several people in a particular community, it might be wise to consider the possibility that the accusations hold at least some measure of truth.  If you suspect that you may have a problem with behaviour, the first step is to become aware of it. Ask yourself what behavior might be causing this perception, and if you can't work it out, politely ask those that perceive it to explain or clarify. Once you have determined which behaviors are causing the problem, try changing them and your mode of presentation.  In particular, identify the harsh words in your communications and replace them with softer ones.
 Honestly examine your motivations. Are you here to contribute and make the project good? Or is your goal really to find fault, get your views across, or be the one in control? Perhaps secretly inside you even enjoy the thrill of a little confrontation. This may not make you a bad person, but to everyone who is busily trying to build something great, you become an impediment. People get frustrated, rancor ensues, the atmosphere changes, and the whole project suffers. Are you here to give, or to take?
-If appropriate, publicly apologize to anyone to whom you may have been a dick. It's okay; this won't make you seem weak. On the contrary, people will take notice of your willingness to renounce dickery and will almost always meet your efforts with increased respect.
+If appropriate, publicly apologize.  It's okay; this won't make you seem weak. On the contrary, people will take notice of your willingness to behave and will usually meet your efforts with increased respect.
-== How to deal with dicks without being a dick yourself ==
+== How to deal with others ==
-Telling someone "Don't be a dick" is usually a dick-move — especially if it's true. It upsets the other person and it reduces the chance that they'll listen to what you say.
+Directing others to this essay is generally misbehaviour itself! It upsets the other person and it reduces the chance that they'll listen to what you say.
 Focus on behaviour, not on the individual.  Be specific about what you want.  Be specific about why you want it.  Be specific about why the other person's behaviour is counter-productive.  [[:w:WP:AGF|Assume good faith]] to the maximum extent possible.  If you don't understand why someone is doing something, ask.  Don't rush to complain until you are sure that good faith negotiations can't work.  Try to understand before you try to be understood.
-Above all, be genuine.  Don't ask questions when you know the answer.  Don't say you want one thing if you want another.  Don't try to persuade people of things that aren't true.  Never respond to dickery in kind.
+Above all, be genuine.  Don't ask questions when you know the answer.  Don't say you want one thing if you want another.  Don't try to persuade people of things that aren't true.  Never respond to poor behaviour in kind.
 ==Notes==
@@ Line 46: / Line 43: @@
 *[[en:The No Asshole Rule|The No Asshole Rule]]
 *[[WikipediAhimsa]]
-==External links==
-*[http://davidgerard.co.uk/fsckhead.html What Makes A Fuckhead?] (David R. Kendrick) ("dick" in the context of this article having originally been a [[:en:euphemism|euphemism]] for "fuckhead").
-*[http://www.ns.umich.edu/htdocs/releases/story.php?id=3209 High-testosterone people reinforced by others' anger, new study finds] (University of Michigan news service)
-*[http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2004/03/19/ Original Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory comic]
-*[http://www.smbc-comics.com/?db=comics&id=1590#comic SMBC comic]
 [[Category:Community]]

Revision as of 15:53, 1 January 2011

Fundamentals

Coping with accusations

How to deal with others

Notes

See also